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The Chaotic Consumer Product Safety Album (Yes, Really) That’s Actually… Good?

I guarantee this wasn't on your 2023 bingo card. The United States Consumer Product Safety Commission has just released a new album, We're Safety Now Haven't We: Volume 1. And here's where that statement gets even more absurd: it's actually pretty decent! The Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) is a U.S. government agency that specializes in ensuring public safety when it comes to the products we use every day. But now in 2023 their job also includes making straight-up BANGERS. Never has a PSA about wearing your helmet slapped so hard! Even the cover art feels like a fever dream that immediately ropes you in even before you hit the "play" button. I personally love the fox wearing a helmet the right way while the adorably goofy Shiba Inu wears one the wrong (but arguably much better) way. This dazzling triumph of graphic design is made even better when you remember that this was signed off by a government official. God bless America. Now let's look at the tunes themselves. Many songs on the album contain heavy hip-hop and EDM influences, which lends fun head-bobbing beats to their informative and safety-based lyricism. Never in my life did I ever think I'd see a government entity show love to the Wu-Tang Clan, but the CPSC did it with the album's first song (and my favorite track on the record), Protect Ya Noggin'. From there the album takes off into bops about firework safety, proper ATV handling, and the dangers of texting and driving. Now, am I going to bump We're Safety Now Haven't We while casually riding through Ramsey Street? Eh, probably not. But as far as a freshman album can go, I gotta hand it to the Consumer Product Safety Commission on this one. This album slaps. I can't wait to see what topics are covered in Volume 2. Maybe a Drake-inspired love song about seatbelts? Or a Taylor Swift-esque breakup anthem about untied shoelaces?

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