Parents: Your Kid Wants to Go Online. Are You Both Ready?
Your kids want to go online and join social media. Your son just has to be on TikTok while your daughter is the only one in her class without YouTube. They have a hundred reasons why they absolutely can’t live without a smartphone, and they are only ten years old. Children who have grown up with tech at home and in the classroom are very aware of virtual communities and content sharing and they want to be a part of it. But can they handle it?
In May of 2023, the US Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, called the use of social media by children and adolescents an “urgent public health issue” and urged policymakers, parents, technology companies and schools to do something about it. This past June, he took it a step further, calling for warning labels on social media platforms – like the ones on tobacco and alcohol products – based on their link to mental health issues facing young people.
Officials have pointed to growing evidence of an increased risk of mental health problems for adolescents who spend more than three hours a day on social media.
According to a Pew Research Center survey, up to 95% of kids 13 to 17 years old reported using social media in 2022 and nearly half of teens now say they use the internet “almost constantly.”
So, what’s a parent to do? It’s up to you to decide if your child is ready for social media. A mature 13-year-old could be more able to navigate the system better than an immature 17-year-old. The Child Mind Institute (CMI) suggests weighing their ability to read social cues, their impulse control, and how they react to criticism or rejection when deciding on allowing a smartphone. How has your child behaved in the past? If your kid obsesses over video games and other stimulating activities, that could be a sign that they’ll have trouble “resisting the rabbit hole of social media.”
No matter when you agree to a smart device, experts agree that you must set your expectations and restrictions early and firmly.
CMI suggests introducing social media one service at a time, checking friends’ accounts, and discussing together what is allowed and what is not, who they can interact with, and what kinds of things they can post. For example, selfies are often banned; they ask for judgmental comments. Some easy guidelines? Tell them to always assume your parents are reading what you post and don’t post anything you wouldn’t want your grandparents to see. Make sure that they understand that “the internet is forever,” and once something is posted, it can be difficult and often impossible to erase.
The Federal Trade Commission has a helpful list of topics to address with your children about being online, and how to help them make good decisions and stay safe. Protecting Kids Online addresses subjects ranging from cyberbullying to computer security, online privacy and virtual worlds.
Discuss the dangers of social media, warn them about cyberbullying, predators and stalkers. Be calm, but specific about what can happen when engaging with strangers. Talk about catfishing and photoshopping to reinforce that what they see isn’t always real.
You have responsibilities now, too. Stay informed about the latest online threats and trends, from the silly but harmless to the anti-social and even criminal challenges. Chugging powdered cinnamon is not a gateway to punching random strangers, but they will be exposed to both challenges and far worse.
Set boundaries—and maybe follow them yourself. Keep smart devices and tech out of the bedroom and set an evening sign-off time. It will help everyone get a better night’s rest.
Consider parental controls, especially for younger users. You can decide which sites they can or can’t access. You can set time durations on when and how long they are online. You can even be notified about which sites are being visited. USA Today has created a guide to the parental controls available and how to install them.
Other apps, such as Bark.us, can monitor your child’s activities to detect cyberbullying and words that suggest mental health issues such as depression anxiety, or suicide ideation.
Not ready for Social Media but you want to stay in contact? Wait Until 8th encourages parents to delay the smartphone but has recommendations for parents who need to communicate with their kids during the day.
Is your child following the rules you set? Have they gotten in over their heads? Included in The American Psychological Association’s tips for introducing social media to your kids are warning signs that they may be abusing their privileges or falling victim to the many pitfalls of connectivity. Be watchful and ask, is social media interfering with school, work, friendships, and extracurricular activities? Does it prevent them from getting their required quality sleep each night and keep them from regular physical activity? Are they experiencing strong cravings to check social media, and do they lie or use deceptive behavior to spend time online? These tips can help you decide if it’s time to take a break or totally restrict access to online content.
Finally, be prepared before you buy that smartphone. Research your options and buy or download only what your child is ready to use now.
