BEVERLY HILLS, CA -Honoree Britney Spears accepts the Vanguard Award onstage at the 29th Annual GLAAD Media Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on April 12, 2018 in Beverly Hills, California.

Just days after deleting her Instagram account, Britney Spears took to YouTube to address fans directly and tell her side of the story of her conservatorship. She noted that she could have sold her story to any number of outlets, including Oprah Winfrey. But, she said, the idea of doing that felt “tacky” to her. She has since deleted the video, but it was downloaded and reshared by unauthorized accounts.

As she has often done lately , she called out her family, saying that she felt they had abandoned her amid her conservatorship. “They literally killed me. They threw me away… I was performing for thousands of people at night in Vegas. I was a machine. I was a f—ing machine, not even human almost. It was insane.”

She repeated her claim that she was forced into a mental health facility in 2019 after an argument over a dance move at one of her rehearsals. In the facility, she says that she was forced to undress in front of others. She also said that she was forced to attend therapy sessions that she described as “militant.”

She revealed that during her conservatorship, she had a “secret relationship” with an unnamed man. “I was talking to a guy, and he wanted to just leave the country with me. We had it all set up to leave, and it was a secret relationship.”

Spears also noted that despite all that has gone on between her and her father Jamie Spears, she’s angrier at her mother: “I feel like she could have gotten me a lawyer in literally two seconds.” She added, “My friend helped me get one in the end, but every time I made contact with a firm, my phone was tapped and my phone would get taken away from me.”

She also questioned her faith. “How the f— did they get away with [it]? How is there a God? Is there a God?” Last week, she also tweeted about her faith, saying “I pray there actually is truth to the Holy Spirit and I hope that spirit is with my children as well.”

Spears concluded saying, “I’m sharing this because I want people to know I’m only human. I do feel victimized after these experiences, and how can I mend this if I don’t talk about it? I have an amazing song right now with one of the most brilliant men of our time, and I am so grateful,” referring to her new song “Hold Me Closer” with Elton John. “But if you’re a weird introvert oddball like me, who feels alone a lot of the time, and you needed to hear a story like this so you don’t feel alone, hear this: my life has been far from easy and you’re not alone.”

On a lighter note, she also posted a video to her Twitter account, see it below.