Machine Gun Kelly is opening up about his struggles with mental health in his new Hulu documentary, Life in Pink, which premiered Monday (June 27).
Per People, about halfway through the film, the “Emo Girl” singer revealed the darkness he fell into after the death of his father in 2020, saying, “I flew to my dad’s apartment to clear all this stuff out. I had this really weird interaction with this neighbor who told me all these things I didn’t want to hear. That f—ed me up even more because I couldn’t get closure on it. I wouldn’t leave my room and I started getting really, really, really dark.”
He continued, “Megan went to Bulgaria to shoot a movie and I started getting this really wild paranoia. Like I kept getting paranoid that someone was gonna come and kill me. I would always sleep with a shotgun next to my bed, and like, one of the days, I just f—— snapped.”
“I called Megan, I was like, ‘You aren’t here for me,'” he added. “I’m in my room and I’m like freaking out on her and dude, I put the shotgun in my mouth and I’m yelling on the phone and like the barrel’s in my mouth. I go to cock the shotgun and the bullet as it comes back up, the shell just gets jammed. Megan’s like dead silent.”
The near-death moment was a turning point for the musician, who says he realized afterward there was something “not right” with how he was feeling. Fox, 36, and MGK’s 12-year-old daughter, Casie, also expressed their concern for him, he recalled in the documentary.
“They simultaneously came at me with this like, ‘I want to like, be able to see in your eyes. I don’t want to like be talking to you through a veil anymore. I want to see you as my father and I want to see you as my husband-to-be,'” he said. “I was like, ‘I need to kick the drugs, for real this time.'”
In December 2020, MGK (real name Colson Baker) shared that he was seeking therapy for his struggles with substances in an interview with Interview magazine.
“Currently, my drug of choice is happiness and commitment to the art, rather than a commitment to a vice that I believed made the art,” he said at the time. “I’m taking steps. I had my first therapy session last Thursday. That’s the first time I ever went, ‘Hey, I need to separate these two people,’ which is Machine Gun Kelly and Colson Baker. The dichotomy is too intense for me.”